1/f Fluctuation of Love

Are you all familiar with what is called 1/f fluctuation?
I have been saying for over ten years now that I was searching for it, but recently, I feel like this term has become a little more mainstream thanks to a manga called "Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba."

1/f fluctuation.
Simply put, it refers to "fluctuations at an interval that humans find very comfortable," and specifically, heart rate intervals, the flickering of a candle flame, and the swaying of a train fall into this category.
It seems that fluctuations that make your heart feel at peace and help you relax when you see, hear, or feel them generally correspond to this 1/f fluctuation.

Well, let's set that aside for a moment.

I feel like I have been saying for a very long time that I want to talk about love.
For me, "love" is the chorus of life, and it is roughly life itself, so it is very difficult to summarize in a single article. Furthermore, I had a long-standing anxiety that the moment I put it into words, it would become something banal, so I left it untouched for a long time.
This time, I have finally steeled myself to talk about love.

When you hear the word "love," what comes to your mind?
Is it love that is selfless, unconditional, and precious? That might be familial love or perhaps platonic love.
Or do you immediately think of romantic love? Do you imagine the desire to be wanted, or the way two people connect while giving and seeking?
Perhaps some might imagine divine love. That the sun will always rise again after it sets. That there is no rain that does not stop, and no rain that does not fall. That the wind shines and flowers smile. Is that, too, love?

Is love something that refers to an emotion? Or does it refer to an action?
If it is an emotion, is it happiness? Is it joy or delight? Or are uncontrollable anger, helpless feelings of loss, and despair also forms of love, or perhaps the empty shells of love?
If it is an action, what kind of things would it refer to?
Is it sharing fun, or giving joy and peace of mind? Is it also love to act in a way that makes someone hate you because you want them to look at you and keep you in their heart? Or is it also love to step aside so that they might forget you?

For me, love is "fluctuation" itself.
For me, love is familial love, platonic love, romantic love, divine love, joy and happiness, sadness and despair, kindness, and embrace, and at the same time, it is also a knife.
It never has one fixed shape; it is always fluctuating, becoming warm or cold, sometimes round and sometimes sharp, and it can go up or come down.

Let's talk about something concrete.
Suppose that at this very moment, there is love here, and there is someone I want to offer that love to.
I want to cherish that person deeply, I wish for their happiness, and I want all of their dreams to come true. But even if not a single dream comes true and the entire world becomes their enemy, I want to continue loving them just the same.
Suppose I want to remove their sadness, their suffering, and everything that directs malice toward them, and I want to give them happiness, a warm blanket, and soup.

But is that love an unchanging, eternal love that will last forever?
Can I hold that feeling in my heart 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, without losing that sentiment for even a moment, without the love diminishing by even a millimeter, and simply continue to hold and offer love unconditionally and selflessly?

The answer is no.
As long as I am human, I cannot do that.
There will be times when the temperature of love drops, and there will be times when the mass of love decreases. There might even come a day when love disappears entirely, and I feel bitter toward the other person, wanting to forget the very fact that I ever loved them.
Moreover, humans will die someday. Isn't it ridiculous to talk about eternal love when we are going to die and disappear eventually?

Love changes.
There are moments when I think, "Oh, I love you so much!" and there are surely moments when I think, "You're annoying! Just go away!"
And since it changes, just as "I love you!" does not last forever, "You're annoying!" will not last forever either.
If that is love, it changes its shape, its temperature, and its mass, yet it simply continues to exist here. Even if you think it has disappeared, where is the guarantee that it won't sprout again?

I want to call this shifting of love, this fluctuation, "1/f fluctuation."
The rise and fall of the temperature of love.
The increase and decrease of the mass of love.
The variation of the shape of love, from round to prickly.
I want a love where I can feel even that fluctuation as "comfortable." I want to call that true love.

Even if we fight today and I think I hate you, we might make up tomorrow and I might love you even more than yesterday.
Even if I get angry and frustrated to the point of tears, thinking, "That's not right!", if we talk it out slowly, our misunderstandings might be resolved and our mutual understanding might deepen.
I want to embrace all of those variations and fluctuations and love them, thinking, "Well, that's just how it is."
I want to embrace and love the changing me, the changing you, and our changing relationship, along with the time, temperature, and shape that flow between us.

That is my love.

And this love is the theme of my life.
Toward family? Toward friends? Toward a lover? It is all of those.
It is not just toward people. I want to hold love for everything that exists in this world, whether it be animals, or nature like flowers and trees.
I want to look at the world while holding love in my heart.
I want to love everything I see, everything I feel on my skin, and everything I hear with my whole being.
That is life for me, and it is my everything.

If I may wish.
I hope that the end of life, the end of love, will be something that fluctuates and fluctuates until it gently fades away. I pray that it will flicker and fade quietly, never in a dramatic way.
I pray that it will end smoothly, while still feeling that comfortable fluctuation, and while remaining satisfied.

My heart, you see.
It wishes to be round and warm.
Because round things do not break, and warm things are strong.

But, I have come to realize that love, whether it is round or not, whether it is warm or not, is precious because of that fluctuation.
Since I have finally been able to say that, I hope to continue fluctuating and keep going until the very end.

That was the story for this time.
Well then, that is all for now.