The story of how I ate steak and cried during a home visit.

“Come on in, it’s just about ready.”
I was told this with a smile as I was taking off my shoes in the entryway.

It’s... just about ready...?

The smell of roasting meat wafted through the air, a scent so enticing it felt almost aggressive. The school lunch I’d eaten earlier had been completely digested. My stomach, now appropriately empty, rumbled hungrily. I wondered if they were just in the middle of preparing dinner. I felt bad for the poor timing. I should leave as soon as possible. I thought about these things while being guided down the hallway leading to the room.

“Right this way, teacher.”
I was then led to the center of the dining table in the living room. In front of me was a bowl of steaming white rice, a colorful salad, miso soup, and the main dish: a big, impressive steak.

“Right this way, teacher.”
I was then led to the center of the dining table in the living room. In front of me was a bowl of steaming white rice, a colorful salad, miso soup,
and the main dish: a big, impressive steak.

....?!

“Wait, is the teacher eating with us too?”
Yu-kun (a pseudonym), who had been busy playing games in the next room, turned around with wide eyes. Well, I was glad I wasn't the only one surprised.
“Wait, why???”
—I waited for those words to spill from his mouth.
Contrary to my expectations, he said, “Yay!” with a huge smile. Yu-kun had easily accepted this confusing situation, while I was left completely behind.

This is a story from when I had just become a teacher.

That day was a home visit to the house of Yu-kun, a student in my class. A home visit doesn't mean the kind where you visit every household in the class in April to introduce yourself.

Home visits during the school year often involve student guidance issues like bullying, dealing with truant students, or matters that might get a bit complicated.
However, this visit to Yu-kun’s house was none of those. But since the conversation involved his family situation, my supervisor decided it would be better to meet in person rather than talk over the phone, which is how I ended up here.

I intended to stay for about 15 minutes to talk about the future.


“Thank you, but I’ll just accept the sentiment.”
“Oh no, I couldn’t possibly... I’d feel terrible.”
“No, really, please don’t go to any trouble. The sentiment is enough...!”
I tried desperately to decline, but it was clear they had prepared the meal to coincide with my arrival time.
I reconsidered, thinking it might actually be ruder not to accept their kindness.
I definitely, absolutely, was not blinded by the feast laid out before me... probably.

And so, I joined them as an irregular member for an early dinner.

I was nervous about the unexpected situation, but it wasn't as if I couldn't taste the food; the salad, the steak, and the rice were all incredibly delicious.
Not only was the thick meat amazing, but the side of onions was perfectly coated in the sauce, offering an exquisite sweet and savory flavor. I kept using my chopsticks, thinking, 'Oh, this really goes well with rice.'

We were chatting pleasantly about how Yu-kun was doing in class, and it was just as most of the dishes were becoming empty.

“Yu often says, ‘The teacher is like my mom at school,’ when we’re going to sleep at night.”

Suddenly, his family member brought this up.
He himself had a complex expression, looking a bit embarrassed and awkward, as he moved the carrots from the potato salad to the edge of his plate.

“Thank you so much for saying that. I always tell Yu, ‘That’s right, the teacher is looking after you well at school, and when you come home, you have your grandma and grandpa, so you’re okay.’”

Yu-kun lost his mother when he was very young.
And at that time, due to circumstances, he was being raised by his grandparents.

“The teacher is like your mom at school.”

Knowing the circumstances of Yu-kun’s family, I remembered saying exactly that.
...He was at an age where he still missed his mother, so it was sad. I knew I could never truly replace his mother, but I wanted him to know he could rely on me at school. It was a truly casual remark born from that sentiment.
You could say it was a remark I was able to make so easily precisely because I was a new teacher and hadn't thought about anything too deeply.

Knowing that such a casual remark had been brought up at home so many times made me feel happy, but also left me with a complex feeling mixed with guilt, wondering if I was really facing him well enough to be considered a substitute for his mother at school.

After the meal, we moved to another room to have the conversation that was the original purpose of my visit, but before that, they let me see his childhood photo album.

Yu-kun is innocent and adorable.
His mother holds him, smiling with the same eyes as his.

In the photo frame on the Buddhist altar, his mother stands with that same smile...

“He must have wanted to be with us forever, too. But this child has grown up to be a truly kind boy who cares about so many things. Just the other day, something like this happened...”

I listened intently, not wanting to miss a single word of the story she told me, bit by bit.

Finally,
“We may have many shortcomings, but we look forward to your continued support.”
Saying this, his grandmother bowed so deeply that I felt humbled.

—To someone like me, a young person decades her junior.

“I look forward to working with you as well,” I replied, bowing deeply in return before leaving their home.

While savoring the lingering aftertaste of the steak, I thought to myself.

Every child in my class has a history built by their family, with so many feelings hidden behind it.
And regardless of how little experience I have or how many things I cannot yet do, I am this child's teacher.


When I decided to become a teacher.
When I received my passing notice for the teacher certification exam.
When I first met the children I would be in charge of.

That was the moment when that fact hit my heart harder than ever before.


Whether it was the frustration of being an immature teacher, the joy of being relied upon, or the feeling of spurring myself on to work harder, a mix of various emotions welled up, and my vision blurred.

I rode my bicycle, cutting through the wind as if to dry my wet cheeks.

Of course, this is a story from a time when no one could have predicted that a virus starting with 'C' would spread.

After the nationwide school closures that followed the outbreak, home visits at the beginning of the school year were naturally not conducted, and even now, most home visits have become a matter of greeting at the entrance or in front of the house.



That experience of being treated to an unexpected steak during a home visit will surely be the first and last of its kind.

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