White Cup | Apollo Award Six Haiku (5th Place) White

The heartbeat of first love is the rhythm of a wagtail

White

The highest good is like water.

Even if one possesses great power, one does not boast, readily takes on tasks that others dislike, and remains constantly gentle.

I want to live a life like that 'water'.

☆ Japanese language teacher. Energetically publishing haiku on note.
The 2nd Everyone's Haiku Tournament White Cup (Organizer/Judge)

◎ Critique

The heartbeat of first love is the rhythm of a wagtail

Wagtail is read as 'sekirei'. It is a cute little bird.
It has inhabited Japan since the time of Japanese mythology. I, the selector Apollo, shamefully learned this recently.
In the article and comment section of this very author.

Setting aside trivia, let's appreciate the work.
I was strongly attracted to this haiku at first glance.
The style is beautiful and rhythmic. I want to say it is 'rhythm' itself.

First love, heartbeat, wagtail. When you stack three two-kanji compounds, it usually tends to become a monotonous, mediocre haiku.
But the hiragana placed between the idioms (no, wa, no) and the final 'rhythm' were skillful.

What should be specially mentioned is the success of the enjambment.
It is designed to be enjoyed both visually as rhythm and aurally as melody.
You should try saying it out loud.

hatsukoi no kodo wa / sekirei no rizumu

What a sparkling lyric it is.......!
It must be the first love of first loves.
The wagtail's fidgety movements fit this worldview perfectly, and it is heartwarming.

The wagtail has another name, 'stone-tapper'. Its tail feathers make a small sound, as if cheering on a small autumn love.
Or perhaps it is a heartbeat so faint that one is not even aware of being in love, like the sound of wings.

When read in 5-7-5, it has the rhythm of 'sekire-i'.
Did it express the moment the tail feathers snap against a stone?
If it is a conscious effort, it is quite something.
I thought it was an interesting attempt.

As an aside, the author is in the position of organizer and judge for this 'White Cup' and is not involved in the judging of their own work.
I hope the evaluations of the other judges will serve as encouragement for the progress of the haiku poet, White.

I'm glad I met you! Thank you🙌

Love and peace🏆

Apollo

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