Parenting Lessons from the Analects: 'Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself' – Cultivating a Heart of Compassion
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Drawing on my 30 years of experience as an elementary school teacher,
I will introduce the 'secrets of parenting learned from the Analects'.
Parenting is the greatest challenge and joy in a parent's life.
However, it is a series of daily trial and error, and it is not uncommon to feel stuck.
At such times, the wisdom of our ancestors, passed down through the ages, can serve as a guide.
In this series of articles, I will introduce quotes from the Analects of Confucius that are useful for parenting.
Let us explore the deep meaning behind each saying and find hints that can be applied to modern parenting.
Introduction
In parenting, cultivating a 'heart of compassion' in children is essential for building smooth human relationships in society.
However, even if you tell a child directly to 'be compassionate,' they may not always understand.
Therefore, in this article, I would like to take up the Analects quote, 'Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself,' and explore hints for naturally cultivating 'compassion' in children.
A Quote from the Analects
Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.
Japanese Reading of the Quote
Onore no hossesaru tokoro wa, hito ni hodokosu koto nakare
The Meaning of the Quote
This quote means, 'Do not do to others what you would not want done to yourself.'
In other words, standing in another person's shoes and understanding their feelings is what it means to have a heart of 'compassion'.
How to Apply This to Parenting and Concrete Examples
1. Be Mindful of 'Compassionate' Language in Daily Life
Children learn by imitating their parents' language.
By using words like 'thank you,' 'I'm sorry,' 'after you,' and 'please' in daily conversation, children can naturally acquire the language of 'compassion'.
Specifically, the following methods are effective:
Always use polite language with your child
Express feelings of gratitude
Try to help people who are in trouble
For example, by saying 'thank you' when someone lets you pass on the road, your child can learn the importance of gratitude.
2. Encourage Thinking from the Other Person's Perspective
'Compassion' is born from thinking from the other person's perspective.
Ask your child questions that encourage them to imagine the other person's feelings and thoughts, and help them develop the habit of thinking.
Specifically, the following methods are effective:
Ask, 'How would you feel if someone did that to you?'
Discuss the feelings of characters through picture books and stories.
Have them experience the other person's perspective through role-playing.
Role-playing is a term that refers to the act of playing a role or a game that takes such a form. Participants take on specific characters or roles and act based on set scenarios or rules.
Role-playing is also used in education and training settings, and it has the effect of deepening understanding by simulating actual situations.
For example, if a child gets into a fight with a friend, asking, 'How do you think your friend felt?' can help the child understand the other person's feelings and provide an opportunity to apologize.
3. Accepting Diverse Values
Modern society is an era where diverse values are respected.
It is important for children to be tolerant and treat people who have different thoughts or opinions from their own with 'compassion'.
Specifically, the following methods are effective.
Provide opportunities for interaction with various people.
Teach the importance of accepting different values.
Eliminate prejudice and discrimination.
For example, by participating in volunteer activities or attending international exchange events as a parent and child, children can encounter and learn to accept diverse values.
Conclusion
'Do not do to others what you would not want done to yourself' is a famous quote packed with hints for cultivating a heart of 'compassion' in children.
By parents being conscious of words of 'compassion' in daily life, encouraging children to think from the other person's perspective, and accepting diverse values, children can build smooth human relationships in society and live happily.
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