[No Scolding, No Getting Angry!] Magic Words for Children to Grow on Their Own Through Adlerian Parenting
Introduction
For parents struggling with child-rearing every day, there are times when you might get frustrated by your child's words and actions.
You might find yourself getting emotional, thinking, "I wish they would just listen a little better!" or "Why do they do things like this?"
However, by using the teachings of Adlerian psychology as a hint, you might be able to make parenting easier.
[No Scolding, No Getting Angry!] Effective Adlerian Psychology Teachings
Adlerian psychology is based on the idea that "all humans are equal, and each has their own tasks to face."
This way of thinking is also very important in parenting.
Because children think and act differently from adults, things often do not go the way parents expect.
However, this does not mean the child is bad; rather, it can be viewed as "the child working on the tasks necessary for their own growth."
1. Separation of Tasks
Children and parents are separate individuals, and each has different tasks.
It is important to be aware that "the child's tasks are the child's, and the parent's tasks are the parent's."
2. Encouragement
Children can take on more challenges when they believe that "I can do it."
Therefore, it is important for parents to specifically praise what the child has "accomplished" and nurture their "courage to challenge."
3. Trusting Relationship
Building a trusting relationship with your child is one of the most important elements in parenting.
It is important to value "empathy" and "active listening" so that the child can feel that "I am accepted for who I am."
The Meaning of the Teachings
These teachings of Adlerian psychology serve as support for children to grow into independent individuals who can 'think for themselves and act for themselves.'
How to apply it to parenting and concrete examples
1. Separation of Tasks: What parents say when a child won't listen
Situation: The child won't listen
Parent's task: The parent gets frustrated because the child won't listen
Child's task: Wants to assert their own opinion, does not want to follow what the parent says
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How to apply:
Empathize by saying, 'It's wonderful that you have your own opinion.'
Try to listen and understand why they won't listen.
Think of a solution together.
2. Encouragement: What parents say when a child has accomplished something on their own
Situation: The child did their homework on their own
Parent's task: The parent over-praises because the child did their homework on their own
Child's task: Wants to be acknowledged for completing the task on their own
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How to apply:
Praise specifically by saying, 'Thank you for doing your homework on your own.'
Show interest by listening and asking, 'How did you do your homework?'
Encourage them by saying, 'Keep doing your best on your own.'
3. Trust: What parents say when a child fails at something
Situation: The child got a bad score on a test
Parent's challenge: The parent feels disappointed because the child got a bad score
Child's challenge: The child thinks they are a failure
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How to use:
Empathize by saying, "It's a shame you got a bad score on the test"
Try to listen and understand why the score was bad
Think together about what to do next
In conclusion
The teachings of Adlerian psychology provide hints for realizing parenting without scolding or getting angry.
Using the content introduced today as a reference, please cherish your communication with your child and try to create an environment where they can grow on their own.
Thank you for reading this article.
Based on my experience working as an elementary school teacher for about 30 years,
I have introduced "The Secrets of Parenting Learned from Adlerian Psychology."
For more on Adlerian psychology and the significance of applying it to parenting,
please watch the 1-minute explanatory video.
You can also read the article with a transcript.
To you who read until the end,
thank you.
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