I was able to remember something important.

Recently, I haven't felt much motivation to write novels.
While having various worries in my personal life and work is one factor, more than that, I haven't been able to face writing.

When I read articles by other writers here, I feel a desire to write, but when I'm actually faced with a blank page, nothing—absolutely nothing—comes to mind. The moment I face a note, I lose my words.

Before I know it, I start comparing myself to others, thinking my expressions are clumsy or boring. Ah, I keenly feel that I lack both sensibility and vocabulary.

So, I try to learn by reading first, but it feels like forced studying, and I don't feel like doing it.
I'm just like a child.

Lately, the feeling of 'I have to write a novel soon' has been swirling in my head, which turned into the pressure of 'I have to study,' but I realized that it was just impatience that 'I have to write something,' and not a genuine feeling of 'I want to write.'

I had completely forgotten why I wanted to 'write' back when I first started writing novels, and what I wanted to 'write' about. Even though I had written down the reasons why I wanted to 'write' back then, as time passed, I forgot those thoughts.

Yes, from the beginning, I wanted to make an anime.
I wanted to express the sight of characters talking, moving, and causing a ruckus within an anime.

I can't draw, and I can't make videos. But I can write text. (Setting aside whether it's good or bad.)
I watched anime, wanted to make anime, and chose 'writing' as the means to do so.

I want to make anime too!!
That was the feeling with which I started writing.

That is why a 'novel' is a stepping stone for me, not the goal.

I finally remembered. I was able to remember.

A 'novel' is a means to express the anime I want to create in my head. I don't want to write a good novel. I want to write and express the anime I want to create—this is it.

I was able to remember thanks to this video by Sakanaction.

Whoa! Amazing! Cool! The song fits well and it's good! I don't really know the content, but I felt a desire to create a story like this!
Well, even if it's not exactly like this, even if the style is different, I wanted to create a work that could become an anime.
And I wanted to see a video with the best theme song playing along with a digest of that anime.

So, I will write aiming for that.

With that said, I'm glad I could remember those feelings from back then.
Thank goodness (-人-)

By the way, I haven't seen this anime yet (oops).

#WhatAreYouTalkingAbout (lol)