Misdelivered Love
I ended up with a title that sounds like some kind of Korean drama.
I had a fight with my younger sister.
She was unusually emotional, crying while she was angry.
The trigger was a rather dry comment I made regarding something that happened to her suddenly.
Based on her attitude up until then,
I thought my dry comment would be accepted,
and in fact, I felt that her way of thinking was closer to mine.
And yet, an unexpected gap in our perspectives emerged.
It seems I hurt her deeply without intending to.
My heart ached when she cried and told me to apologize.
Even though those words were meant for my sister, whom I care about dearly,
they ended up hurting her deeply.
Even after talking with my sister for a while,
nothing I said got through at all.
In her defense, she told me that I was being terrible.
I don't really trust words spoken when someone is emotional,
but perhaps,
she might have always had some kind of
dissatisfaction with me.
I was just trying to propose the "best future"
after considering the worst-case scenario,
so that my sister wouldn't have to be sad anymore.
That was my way of showing love.
However, that intention didn't get across at all.
I just ended up hurting my sister.
Why would the older sister who should understand her best say such things?
That feeling of being betrayed
might have been what made her cry until she was sobbing.
This scene overlapped with my own past.
The reason I used to be angry at my mother is similar to this.
My mother's love and what I truly wanted were different.
My mother's words, 'I want you to be independent and live strongly,' were,
to me at the time, heard only as being 'pushed away'.
That was my mother's love, but it did not reach my heart.
It was the same this time.
I intended to offer the 'best' to protect my younger sister's future.
But it seems that was not what she wanted.
What my sister wanted was
not a dry proposal for her future, but simply someone to say 'it's okay',
to be by her side, and to offer
warm words that would make her feel a little more satisfied.
My sister, who I thought was on my side,
was actually completely different.
This is my mistake.
Aren't most of the world's arguments
caused by this 'misdelivery of love'?
Even if the sender puts good intentions into it,
the receiver, based on their emotions, situation, values, and way of thinking at the time,
receives it as something else.
There is nothing that can be done about this.
Because people can only imagine the form of love
based on their own values and experiences.
Just like how, when you become an adult, you realize that
the strict master who you thought was being mean to you
was actually just seeing your talent
and looking out for you,
there are many things you don't understand at the time.
There is a common metaphor for this.
'Do you catch a fish for a hungry person, or do you teach them how to fish?'
I think I am always the type to 'teach how to fish' in the end.
Because I believe that is true love.
However, usually, when the other person is urgently starving, what they need
is not how to fish, but 'a fish right now'.
If you can catch a fish, why don't you just give it to me!
Why go out of your way to teach me how to catch a fish!
Well, that's true.
But I think that is the best way.
Because then, without relying on anyone, whenever I want,
I can fill my own stomach.
Without depending on others,
I can be independent.
I think my interaction with my sister this time was exactly that.
Love is not always guaranteed to be conveyed.
In fact, precisely because you care about someone,
you might end up giving it in the form you believe in,
rather than the form the other person wants.
That is where misunderstandings and conflicts are born.
I still care about my sister now.
That feeling hasn't wavered even a millimeter.
No matter how sincere you are,
or how honest you are, if it is in a form that is unnecessary to the other person,
it will not reach them.
I am sorry for being such a disappointing sister.
I am sorry for making you think I am not kind.
Misdelivered love (just something I said)