Zexy Syndrome
I decided to name it myself.
What I mean by that is
going back to my memories of when I was around 20 years old and a total dreamer.
Back in the day, when I wasn't even married yet,
I would dream about my future with my boyfriend at the time
and buy Zexy magazines.
(Even though there were no plans for marriage...)
Looking at them, I'd think,
Would this look good on me?
This wedding venue looks nice~
This kind of plan is also good. Hmm, hmm♪
I was a total dreamer,
imagining myself as a girl about to get married,
and I was enjoying all of it.
When I remembered that for some reason,
No, no...
It's fine since no one knows, but...
That's pretty messed up. Me.
First of all, before Zexy,
you should talk to your partner
about whether marriage is even on the horizon.
Then go try on dresses.
Go look at wedding venues.
Go experience it for real.
The internal monologue of self-criticism wouldn't stop.
In other words, there are many times in life when you end up only doing mental simulations,
taking absolutely no action,
and just spinning your wheels thinking,
What should I do~
What will I do~
but
I decided to call that 'Zexy Syndrome' to myself,
based on how I was back then.
I haven't shared it with anyone.
After various things happened (which I will omit here),
I completely shed my skin as a starry-eyed dreamer
and defected to become a 'non-optimistic realist'.
Having said that, I was probably like this as a child too,
but because of the aphrodisiac of being in love,
I had transformed into a starry-eyed dreamer with a head full of flowers,
so I have simply returned to my original self.
By my original nature,
I disliked worrying,
but I loved thinking.
I define worrying as holding onto things that have no answers
and going around in circles without changing the status quo,
whereas thinking is what I define as
turning thoughts over in order to take a step forward.
Perhaps after going through Zexy Syndrome,
my realist side has become even more ironclad.
You won't gain anything by worrying,
you have to think properly and take action. It's a lesson
learned from my own actual experience, but
well, you need to have
those kinds of periods too.