[Mastery Novel] kesäheila

"I really love your scent, Yuzuha."
I remembered the time I spent wrapped in his warmth, giggling and asking what he meant, while Midori’s breath tickled my neck as he sniffed it while using my arm as a pillow.
Midsummer nights are humid, and even if the temperature drops lower than during the day, if you don't keep the air conditioning on, the room immediately turns into a rainforest.
In that environment, we sought each other out time and again, sweating together. I cherished his presence so much that just having Midori in the room made this summer feel like a paradise, sparkling and bright.
"Because you smell so good."
Saying that, Midori, who was kissing my neck again, drifts away.
When I woke from the dream, I was just staring at the ceiling on the bed where we had crawled over each other so many times.

"So, does that mean it's over?"
"I don't think so."
A month had passed since Midori stopped reading my LINE messages. Even though we had been messaging back and forth somewhat naturally until then, it suddenly stopped, as if he had completely forgotten about me, and the messages remained unread.
Akiho’s words pierced my heart, and I naturally checked the LINE screen. The last message I sent to Midori was five days ago. It was a simple "What's up?", and the "read" status never appeared. As I stared at the silent screen, Akiho said something that hit the mark: "But you weren't actually dating, right?"
It’s true that Midori and I never exchanged the formal words, "Let's go out together." We just met at a bar, the mood happened to be right, we ended up at his place, and it felt comfortable, so the relationship continued.
However, even without the formalities, from an outsider's perspective (and even from mine), it should have felt like we were dating. We held hands, went on dates, talked about trivial things, watched movies—I thought those casual days would continue.
Even when we last messaged, it was about something casual like, "Let's go eat the new flavor at 31." After he read my reply asking, "When should we go?", the messages have remained unread.

Akiho, seeing me staring at my smartphone screen with a look of clear disappointment, took it from me, and I let out an involuntary gasp. She placed the phone carefully next to her iced latte and said, "For now, let's just go shopping today. Splurging is the best way to relieve stress," before finishing her iced latte in one go.

After that, I went to the department store with Akiho, and we repeatedly tried out cosmetics, perfumes, and things I usually only look at, ending up spending more than I expected. I thought it would be a fun time, but in the back of my mind, I couldn't stop worrying about my LINE screen.
The moment I got on the train home after spending a thoroughly fun time with Akiho, I opened LINE. Maybe he sensed I was having a good time and sent a reply. Expectation and prayer unconsciously dominated my heart, but the new arrivals were just junk magazines. Even when I opened Midori’s screen, it remained unread.

I knew it would be like this.
There is a part of me that cannot let go of hope.

There is a Finnish word, "kesäheila." It means a summer lover, and while some relationships end in one summer, others develop into something that continues beyond that and leads to marriage. When I learned that word, Midori’s back naturally came to mind.
We were surely meant to meet, spent this summer together, and would end as the summer ended. I felt somewhere in my heart that this was just how it was.
Just as the scenery viewed from the train window flows by, unable to resist that flow, perhaps I have no choice but to forget about Midori.

What was Midori to me? What was I to Midori?
I know it's meaningless to put a name to our existence. Still, I couldn't help but search for an answer.

Watching the passing scenery, I sent a LINE to Akiho saying, "Today was fun! Thanks!" and it was immediately read, followed by a reply suggesting the future: "Me too! Let's go somewhere again!"
That made the back of my eyes sting, and I felt a sharp pain in my nose. Without wiping away the tears that slowly trickled down, I replied to Akiho and closed my phone.