I want to earn money. But I don't want to let go of time with my child. The reason I decided to start a side job.

Introduction: How my thoughts on "work" changed after becoming a mom

Before my daughter was born, I worked in sales for five and a half years.
I loved talking to people, and conversations with customers were what made the job rewarding.

However, I resigned due to my husband's job. Then, my long-awaited child was born, and my life changed completely.
Even though I always had the feeling of "wanting to stay connected to society" and "wanting to earn money with my own strength,"
I spent my days feeling frustrated by the reality that I couldn't work the way I wanted to.

"At this rate, I feel like I'm going to lose myself."
I started feeling that way more and more often.

I want to work. But reality isn't that simple.

When my daughter was seven months old, I found a place nearby where I could work with childcare provided,
and I started a part-time job while leaving my child there.
"I feel at ease because my child is nearby," "I want to stay connected to society even a little bit."
It started with those kinds of feelings.
Once I started, it was fun, and for someone like me who loved working, that time became a breather.

However, starting this April, the childcare fees for employees became paid.
My daughter has also grown up, and I want to let her play to her heart's content in a larger space.
With those thoughts combined, I made the decision to put her in a nursery school.

But because I worked part-time, I couldn't get her into a licensed nursery school.
I chose an unlicensed nursery school. It costs 52,000 yen per month.
Honestly, most of my part-time wages go toward the nursery school fees.

So, I picked up more part-time work.
Even so, I couldn't choose to become a full-time employee.

If I became a full-time employee, I would get bonuses and it would be easier to get into a nursery school.
But there are almost no companies that will hire you for short hours from the start,
and if I worked full-time, I would lose both my own time and time with my family.
Being clumsy, I ended up choosing the part-time route.

Even so, there is a "dream" I don't want to give up on somewhere.
There is a part of me that wants to challenge myself with entrepreneurship or a side job while raising my child.

I learned about the option of a side job, but I didn't know where to start.

Even if I work multiple part-time jobs, my salary mostly disappears into nursery school fees.
The more I think about our household finances, the more my chest tightens with pain every day.

Before I knew it, I would even zone out during the precious bath time with my daughter,
and there were even times when I couldn't hear her voice as she talked to me happily.

"Is it okay to stay like this? What am I doing?"
Those thoughts were swirling around in my head.

At that time, I started seeing the word "side job" often on social media and the internet.
"If it's work from home, maybe I can do it even with a child."
Thinking that, I decided to try blogging, and I actually joined an online school.

But in reality, things didn't progress as I had hoped.
I moved according to my daughter's rhythm, and at night, I would be too tired and fall asleep.
Even when I thought, "I'll do it," I couldn't find the time.
In the end, I am currently on hiatus.

"I have no skills, I can't make time, and I have no confidence."
There were days when I felt depressed or irritated with myself like that.

Even so, the reason I decided to give it a try.

Raising a child is truly happy.
But the anxiety about money is always somewhere in the back of my mind,
and that anxiety gradually makes even my heart feel painful.

There were times when I couldn't truly enjoy the time with my daughter,
which should be fun, just because I was worried about money.

I wanted to change these days, so I looked into side jobs and tried to challenge myself with blogging.
Even so, I couldn't do it as I wanted, and I had no confidence.
What I really hated was the "me" who wasn't able to do anything.

Raising a child is happy, but I'm sure there are many moms who suffer because of money,
blame themselves, and have their hearts worn down.
I am one of them.

I wanted to leave those thoughts somewhere as words.
By writing, my own heart might feel a little clearer,
and it might become a "it's okay" for someone else who is struggling in the same way.

Without being spoiled, for my own sake.
And for someone else's sake, too.

The small step I can take right now was "writing."

About the future.

It's not that the anxiety about money or the struggle of balancing child-rearing and work
will all be solved in an instant.

But I don't want to go back to being the person who just decides "it's impossible anyway" without taking any action,
and continues to worry forever.

I want to cherish both the time with my child and my own life.
That's why I think I will try to move forward, even if it's slowly and without rushing.

In this note, I plan to write honestly about child-rearing, work,
and sometimes even my real struggles.

To the moms who are struggling in the same way.
If you think "I understand," I would be happy if you came to read this from now on.