Makeup Gave Me the Gift of a Smile

Why do you wear makeup?

I'm sure there are many reasons. After watching the drama "That's Why I Wear Makeup" starring Megumi Kanzaki this season, I started thinking, what is my reason for wearing makeup?

Until now, my reasons were:

Because it's common sense for working adults to wear makeup

Because as an adult woman, I have to

Because I want the person I like or my partner to call me cute

That was it.

But basically, I'm super lazy. Sometimes I don't even use toner or lotion, I'm too lazy to dry my hair so I go to sleep with it wet, and when I was working at a company, my clothes were sloppy and I usually went without makeup. (Wait, that's different from what I just said.)

I only wear makeup when I have plans at night, and my clothes are a bit different too, so people around me would end up saying, "Do you have plans today?"

Every morning on the subway commute, when I looked at the office ladies around me, standing next to beautiful people with stylish accessories, perfect makeup, and perfect hair and clothes, their sparkling aura was so dazzling that I felt completely embarrassed. Well, you could just say, "Why don't you just do it properly every day?"

So, I whisper to myself every day:

I'll do it starting tomorrow! I'll change starting tomorrow!

(Saying "I'll do it tomorrow" is for fools, right...)

For me, makeup meant just a base, powder, beige glittery eyeshadow (from a friend), pink blush (from a friend), black mascara, eyebrow pencil, and pink or red lipstick (from a friend)—it was almost always the same pattern. In fact, it was mostly made up of gifts from friends.

Since I became depressed, while I was on Twitter or watching YouTube in my spare time, I found that there are so many people who truly love makeup. They have clear cases full of makeup tools, or they say, "It was too cute so I bought every color! I'll review them!", or "This is a definite repeat buy!", "This season's new releases are the best!", "What Christmas coffret should I buy?" and so on...

This season? Every color? It's like another dimension... I was surprised. I had always thought it was normal to have one of each cosmetic and buy a new one when it ran out. Besides, I had never encountered makeup tools that moved me, so I thought it wouldn't make much of a difference no matter what I used.

In the midst of that, watching the streams, tweets, and Instagram posts of people who love cosmetics, I realized that makeup is profound. Depending on the makeup, your impression and atmosphere change tremendously. How to choose foundation colors, using highlighter to add glow, using shading to make your face look smaller, using brown mascara and eyeliner to make your eyes look softer. Just by shaping your eyebrows and filling them in properly, you can look more sophisticated. The atmosphere changes completely with different lipsticks. Just by knowing your personal color, you can choose colors that suit you; I was amazed at how much things change with just a little bit of effort. And everyone's face was sparkling and lively when they talked about makeup, and that was so cute. It was truly wonderful.

And to return to the story,

The drama "That's Why I Wear Makeup" had many different reasons why people wear makeup. People who explore their own favorite makeup without being swayed by others, people who hate it when people at work point out their favorite fashion or makeup, men who wear makeup, people who always say "someone like me..." and lack self-confidence (this is definitely me)—I realized there isn't just one right answer. The line I liked the most in that drama was,

"Regardless of the reason you wear makeup, I think it's important to be able to like yourself."

Ah, that really resonated with me; it was wonderful.

At the same time, it made me feel anxious, wondering if I'm wearing makeup that actually makes me like myself. I don't dislike light, natural makeup that appeals to everyone, but...

I want to try all kinds of different makeup!

I want to increase the number of makeup looks I love!

For the first time in a while, I really looked at my face in the mirror. It was scary, but I faced who I am right now, tried doing my skincare and moisturizing a little more carefully than usual, did some lymph massages, and put in the maximum effort I could for myself at this moment. After that, I applied a bit more sparkly eyeshadow than usual, put on mascara more meticulously, groomed my eyebrows, and used a lighter eyebrow color. Then, I thought, 'Wait? Am I looking a little cuter?' (Is that too simple?) But for the first time in a while, I was able to smile a little at the mirror.

I also learned that cosmetics have expiration dates, so I immediately reviewed the makeup I own. I'm going to be bold and declutter! (Though, I couldn't bring myself to throw away the things I received from friends, so I moved them to a treasure box instead.)

I used reviews, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube to help me order some new cosmetics. The timing was perfect with Black Friday, and I was able to get them at a great price through Rakuten and Mega Wari. 💄

Along the way, I felt anxious, wondering, 'What if it doesn't suit me?' But the excitement blew away my anxiety, telling me, 'Why not just buy a bunch and try them out? It's okay if I fail!' Once my depression and the COVID situation settle down a bit more, I'd love to go to the cosmetics counters at department stores.

Until now, I've lived my life with preconceived notions about makeup. That being bare-faced is best. That natural makeup is best. That heavy makeup is bad. That colorful makeup is only cute because professionals or people who are good at makeup use it, and it's impossible for me. Even when looking at makeup magazines, I'd be cynical, thinking, 'It only looks good because the model is pretty anyway.' (Is it just me, or does anyone else experience that phenomenon where you look at hair magazines at the salon and think that if your face is pretty, even the hairstyle looks cute?)

But from now on, before I make any assumptions,

What do I want to do?

I will ask my heart that question.

For someone like me, who is afraid of failure, has zero sense of adventure, and gets bored easily,

this is my challenge to wear makeup that makes me love myself. 💄

Everyone, please keep a light watch over me.

And if you have any recommended cosmetics or anything, I would be so happy if you could let me know! (^.^)