Those words won't go away... To you who are suffering from the memory of insults and verbal abuse

💔 Do not let others' words define your worth.

* Why people who have been verbally abused suffer

1. Asymmetry of memory

The person who said it "doesn't remember," while
the person who received it has it "deeply engraved." This asymmetry leads to feelings of loneliness and injustice, making you wonder, "Why am I the only one suffering?"

2. Verbal abuse remains as a "wound of the heart"

In neuroscience, it is said that when you receive verbal abuse, the "amygdala" reacts strongly, making it easy for the experience to be stored in long-term memory as a dangerous event. In other words, even if the person who said it has forgotten, the person who received it will remember it over and over again like a "flashback."

☆ How to care for yourself

1. Understand that "it is natural not to be able to forget"

There is no need to blame yourself by thinking, "Am I unable to forget because I am weak?" Rather, your brain is just remembering it strongly to protect you. It is a natural reaction.

2. "Re-assign meaning" to the memory

Verbal abuse does not deny your worth; it only reflects the other person's immaturity in controlling their emotions. By labeling it as "this is the other person's problem," you can distance it a little from your own heart.

3. Write it down

Write down the words you received and how you felt at that time in a notebook. By getting it out, the "suffering of repeating it in your head" will decrease.

4. Share it with someone you trust

Talking in a safe place about how "actually, I was hurt by being told this" is an important process for organizing your emotions. The "experience of being empathized with" will heal your wounds.

5. Draw a boundary

If you are repeatedly subjected to verbal abuse, it is necessary to create your own rule (boundary) that says, "I will not accept this anymore."
Creating distance is also a valid form of self-care.

Even if the person who spoke the abusive words has forgotten them,
the pain etched into your heart is real.
There is no need to force yourself to pretend that pain "never happened."
What is important is "not letting that experience control your heart."

Your worth is never determined by the words of others.

☆Note

The psychology of those who use verbal abuse

※ People for whom "verbal abuse and sarcasm" were daily communication at home or in the workplace
unconsciously imitate that behavior.
It is a pattern of "unconsciously repeating what was done to them."

※ Some people try to shake the other person's mood to gain a sense of control.
It is an unconscious manipulation where they feel,
"If the other person feels uncomfortable, I can feel my own influence."

※ A psychology of wanting to confirm that "I am superior to the other person" is at work.
To maintain their own position or value, they use ways of speaking that slightly
belittle the other person.