"What I Wanted, What I Was Given vol.9-11" - Creative Award 2025 (Essay Category) Entry - (Posted 6/9)

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Introduction

Concept of the work

"What I Wanted, What I Was Given"

At first glance, while saying "what I wished for was not given," perhaps when one can honestly accept the dual reality of "what I truly needed was given" and "the gap between human wishes and what life provides," a door to new values might open beyond that deep insight 🤔💭 Through insight, what feels like "lack" or "deficiency" from a human perspective might be necessary for "growth" and "realization" when viewed from a higher vantage point and a broader perspective 🤔💭"What I wished for was not given"actually"What I truly needed was given"

"The gap between human wishes and what life provides"

"Lack" or "deficiency""Growth" and "realization"

It is also true that people seek "power" or "success," but what is actually given is often "weakness" or "failure." However, that "gap" might be what creates the depth of life 🤔💭 I would like to compile such poems into a story-style essay and make it so that the contrast between "what I wanted and what I was given" becomes clear 🤗"Power" or "success""Weakness" or "failure""Gap""What I wanted and what I was given"

Memo📝
As of 6/5/2025, there are exactly 20 essays themed around "What I Wanted, What I Was Given." As a milestone, I have decided to submit a short essay ☺️"What I Wanted, What I Was Given"

Image art of the work

Figure of a woman: A figure capturing the moment of "reaching for the answer to life in silence." What are her two palms trying to feel? It symbolizes the duality of "the right hand trying to obtain what is desired" and "the left hand quietly receiving what is given.""Reaching for the answer to life in silence"
"The right hand trying to obtain what is desired""The left hand quietly receiving what is given"duality

The woven pattern of the kimono features nebulae-like galaxies and ripples, depicting a "cosmic fabric" that contains the complex layers of life's trajectory—namely, hope, choice, complexity, and return. The white flower in her hair symbolizes "wishes" while also representing the duality of being prepared for "fading away."hope, choice, complexity, and returncosmic fabric"Wishes"
"Fading away"duality

The halo and spiral floating in the background indicate a perspective from outside this world. Although we always live within the point of
subjectivity, the geometry spreading out behind her quietly tells us that, in reality, a larger trajectory—the given Kairos time—is flowing behind it.

✍️ Linking Concept and Art

I created this art as a powerful metaphor to provide visual depth to the story's core concept—the message that
it was not what I wanted, but it was what I needed
.

• The palm that seeks and the palm that receives

• The gorgeous kimono and the meditative gaze hidden within

• Flowers as desire and the beauty of accepting the fate of falling

• Dynamic background and static presence

Everything converges on the theme that the truth of life resides precisely in the margin of discrepancy.

✍️ Relevance to 'The Power of Harmony with the Heterogeneous'

"What I Wanted and What I Was Given"
Warp and weft combined to
weave is dyeing and weaving (cloth) , this is fabric

in terms of this theme, if
what I wanted is the warp , then
what I was given is the weft

this warp and weft combined to
weave is an essay (story)

what I wanted and what I was given (not what I wanted)
the "gap" between these two poles, through the essay weave

In other words, the "gap" between the two poles is a "two-in-one"☯️. That is, it is the very essence of BLUE's values, "
the power to harmonize with the different"☺️

(Reference Article)

💎Published Works💎

"What I Wanted, What I Was Given - Time and Regret" vol.9

Time is equal for everyone, yet it is the cruelest thing. No matter how much you wish, you cannot return to the past. Lost time can never be recovered. That is why people feel regret.

That is true.

No matter how much you wish for "lost time," what you are given is "regret."

"What if I had made a different choice back then?"
"What if I hadn't said those words back then?"
"What if I had just a little more courage back then?"

Every time countless "what ifs" cross our minds, we stop and look back.

But isn't the essence of regret not that "time cannot be turned back," but rather,

"even if I could turn it back, I might not be able to do anything as the person I am now"

that we end up thinking that way?

Time is also something that helps us grow.

Even if you could return to the past, you wouldn't have the knowledge and experience you have now. The you of that time must have thought and done your best as the you of that time.
The setting of this idea, in terms of the box below, would correspond to (2).

(Reference work) 2. A time leap where you live the same life over again without your current memories

If so, why not try returning to the past and changing fate like Rintaro Okabe in “Steins;Gate” from option 1? 🤔💭

Even so, in BLUE's case, I don't think the regret would disappear even if I could be reincarnated with memories of a past life.

Even if I returned to the past right here 🈁 with the memory that “If I could go back to myself at that time, I could have made a better choice‼️,” once I encountered that moment again, I couldn't shake the anxiety that my feelings might waver and I would end up making the same choice as before.
If I returned to the past without my current memories, it would be even more of a hopeless game to try and change the past.

Then, what should we do?

If we cannot return to the past, we have no choice but to change the future.
We must turn regret into “experience” and live by using it as fuel.

So that when our future selves look back on today, we can think, “I did my best at that time.” So that we do not waste this very moment.

Perhaps, what we regret about the past right now is not the “result” of the choice we made back then.

Regardless of the result, the turning point for regret might be whether or not we truly faced the challenge in front of us, sweated over it 💦, felt our heart rate hit its maximum, and pushed ourselves until we could think, “This is all I can do‼️” or “I don't know how it will turn out, but I have sufficiently confronted my current self.” 🤔💭

If that choice was made while feeling this sense of immersion, self-acceptance of having thought it through, and the subjective responsibility of choosing for oneself with one's whole body, then no matter how the result turned out, one could have accepted it as fate with a smile. The word regret should not even surface there.

Conversely, the regret I feel when I time leap from here 🈁 to my past self is, I realize again, directed at my own attitude and way of life—that I “didn't worry seriously” and “ran away from the challenge.”

If so, couldn't I easily get a chance for a rematch by simply accepting my current self as I am, changing my mindset, and stepping onto the current 🈁 stage without having to move the playing field to the past?

I cannot change the past.
But the future can still be rewritten.

That is why I live today.
And the proof that I lived today shapes the future.

“What I Wanted, What I Was Given - Knowledge and Ignorance” vol.10

The more I seek knowledge, the more I realize my own ignorance. There are times I think I would have been happier not knowing.

Even in science, every time one thing is clarified, we learn of the existence of further unknowns spreading out beyond it.

In the era when it was believed that Newtonian mechanics could explain everything, when the wave nature of light was discovered, people did not doubt its perfection. However, with the opening of a new door called quantum mechanics, the limits of classical mechanics were revealed, and the world was re-recognized as something more complex.

Knowledge appears at first glance to be a light that illuminates the world. However, the more it illuminates, the deeper the shadows become. The darkness of ignorance never completely disappears; rather, as knowledge expands, the contours of that darkness become clearer. People are made to realize that they cannot know everything. This is also evidence that scientists continue to exist.

Science is a discipline that pursues how much of the world can be understood without bringing in the existence of a god.

However, when science gathers all its brilliance and still cannot reach an understanding, people realize their limits. And to fill that void, they begin to fantasize or rely on religion and philosophy. For example, the origin of life, the essence of consciousness, the edge of the universe. These are areas where science continues to explore, yet it has not reached complete answers.

In every era, phenomena that could not be explained by the science of that time were taken over by religion and mythology, which filled in those blanks. An era when lightning was believed to be the wrath of God and illness was believed to be the result of a curse.

Eventually, science progressed, and these were unraveled as natural phenomena. However, new questions arose, and explanations for them were sought.

Science and religion are often seen as being in opposition. But could they not be entities that, while having essentially different roles, complement each other?
Could that not be called a power of harmony with the heterogeneous, a two-in-one ☯️ relationship?

Science is based on logic and verification, pursuing what can be confirmed. On the other hand, religion and philosophy give meaning to things that cannot be confirmed and provide guidelines for how people should live.

Every time science steps into unresolved areas, such as the uncertainty of quantum mechanics or the problem of the beginning of the universe, people think about how they should perceive it, and sometimes rely on philosophy or faith.

Gaining knowledge opens up new possibilities. However, at the same time, it is accompanied by the pain of knowing. By facing reality and knowing one's own ignorance, people gain the impulse for the next exploration.

The pursuit of knowledge may be an endless journey. And on that journey, people find new hope and also face new despair.

In this world, there are countless things that have not yet been unraveled. As science progresses, new knowledge that we cannot imagine today will be gained in the future. However, each time that happens, a new unknown territory will continue to expand.

To know is to acknowledge ignorance.
To know is self-acceptance of ignorance.

Maintaining that humility may be the most important attitude for a seeker of knowledge.

What exactly awaits beyond the knowledge sought? That is something only those who can know will understand. But as long as one continues to hold that question, people will never stop the journey of seeking knowledge.

“What I Wanted, What I Was Given - Good and Evil” vol.11

What you did thinking it was good can become evil for someone else. In the first place, is good and evil something absolute?

From a young age, we are taught that "good is right and evil is wrong."
However, that boundary is ambiguous and can easily be reversed depending on the situation or perspective.

In Adlerian psychology, "whether or not it is for the benefit of that person" is what determines good and evil. In other words, it is the idea that the result, not the act itself, is what matters.

However, there is a blind spot in this definition. An act that is good for one person can be evil for someone else. Looking back at history, there are countless such examples.

For instance, the development of science and technology was a "good" for many people.
Advances in medicine saved people from illness, and the development of transportation brought the world closer together. However, at the same time, it has created environmental destruction and ethical problems.
The development of genetic engineering technology brings hope for the eradication of disease, while simultaneously raising new moral dilemmas regarding the "selection of life."

Furthermore, looking back at the history of war reveals the relativity of good and evil even more clearly.
A soldier who fought for the justice of one country is an invader from the perspective of another. While war is a tragedy for many, it also has aspects that lead to progress in science and medicine.

Good and evil are two sides of the same coin. Like the heads and tails of a coin, they are inseparable. How the results of an action are evaluated changes depending on the era, values, and the individual's position.

In human history, does anything exist that is considered absolute evil?

There are events such as genocide and human rights abuses that everyone would consider "evil." However, even those were often justified under the values of the time. Past imperialism was good for the rulers of the time, who invaded other countries in the name of "civilization." Yet, from a modern perspective, those are clearly considered evil acts.

So, how can we discern good from evil?

One answer to that is "empathy." By standing in another's shoes and thinking about what kind of impact an action will have, we can make the boundary between good and evil clearer. If we can feel the pain of others, we can better understand the meaning of our own actions.

It is also important to broaden our perspective. By having diverse viewpoints rather than being bound to specific values, it becomes easier to understand the relativity of good and evil. Good and evil are not fixed concepts, but fluid ones that change according to era, culture, and situation.

Ultimately, good and evil are not fixed, but rather things that change shape while influencing each other. Perhaps we are required to make better choices with that understanding in mind.

We desire "good" and try to avoid "evil." However, whether what we are given is truly good or evil depends on our interpretation. And it is likely that how we accept it and how we utilize it determines who we are ourselves.

[End]