"What I Wished For, What I Was Given vol.12-14" - Creative Award 2025 (Essay Category) Entry - (Posted 6/10)

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Introduction

Concept of the work

"What I Wished For, What I Was Given"

While at first glance it speaks of "what I wished for was not given," it actually reveals that "what I truly needed was given."

"The gap between human wishes and what life provides." When one can honestly accept these two polar realities, perhaps a door to new values opens beyond that deep insight.🤔💭 Through this insight, what feels like "lack" or "deficiency" from a human perspective might actually be necessary for "growth" and "realization" when viewed from a higher vantage point and a broader perspective.🤔💭

"lack" or "deficiency" and when viewed from a higher vantage point and a broader perspective, it might be necessary for "growth" and "realization."🤔💭

It is also true that while people seek "power" or "success," what is actually given is often "weakness" or "failure." But perhaps that "gap" is what creates the depth of life.🤔💭 I would like to compile such poems into a story-style essay and make it so that the contrast between "what I wished for and what I was given" becomes clear.🤗

what I wished for and what I was given" becomes clear.🤗

Note📝
As of 6/5/2025, there are exactly 20 essays themed around "What I Wished For, What I Was Given." As a milestone, I have decided to submit a short essay.☺️

Image art of the work

A woman's figure: "Reaching for the answer to life in the midst of serenity" capturing the moment. What are her two palms trying to feel? It symbolizes the duality of
"the right hand trying to grasp what is desired" and "the left hand quietly receiving what is given."duality.

The woven pattern of the kimono features nebulae-like galaxies and ripples, depicting a hope, choice, complexity, and return—the complex layers of life's trajectory—contained within the cosmic fabric. The white flower in her hair symbolizes
"wishes" while also symbolizing the "scattering" of duality that carries a sense of resolve.

The halo and spiral floating in the background represent a perspective from outside this world. Although we always live within the point of
subjectivity, the geometry spreading behind her quietly tells us that, in reality, a larger trajectory—a given Kairos time—is flowing behind it.

✍️ Linking Concept and Art

I created this art as a powerful metaphor to provide visual depth to the story of this project—the message that
it was not what I wanted, but it was what I needed
.

• The palm that seeks and the palm that receives

• The gorgeous kimono and the meditative gaze hidden within

• Flowers as desire and the beauty of accepting the fate of falling

• Dynamic background and static presence

Everything converges on the theme that the truth of life resides precisely within the margin of discrepancy.

✍️ Relevance to 'The Power of Harmony with the Heterogeneous'

"What I Wanted and What I Was Given"
Warpandweftcombined to
weaveistextile (cloth), this iswoven fabric

. In terms of this theme, if
what I wantedis thewarp, then
what I was givenis theweft

. It is the combination of thiswarpandweftthat is
woven into anessay (story)

what I wantedandwhat I was given (not what I wanted)
, the"gap"between these two poles is what iswoventhrough theessay

In other words, the "gap" between the two poles is "two-in-one"☯️. That is to say, it is the very essence of BLUE's values, "
the power of harmony with the heterogeneous"☺️

(Reference Article)

💎Featured Works💎

"What I Wanted, What I Was Given - Past and Future" vol.12

When looking back at the past, emotions mixed with regret, nostalgia, and learning well up. When imagining the future, anxiety and expectations intersect. However, both can only be accessed from the moment called "now." It is said that people live to apply the lessons of the past to the future, but in that process, don't we often lose sight of the most important point, the "present"?

While focusing on the past and the future, how can we avoid being torn apart by these two poles? The more the vector of consciousness turns toward the past, the more it sinks into"nostalgia", and the more it turns toward the future, the more it is plagued by"anxiety"about the unknown. So, what does it actually mean to be conscious of the "present"?

Consciousness of the point called the present

When thinking about time, physics introduces an infinitesimal unit called"Planck time". This is considered the smallest unit of time, which cannot be divided further no matter how finely you slice it. In other words, even though the "present" may seem to flow continuously, isn't it actually just a accumulation of infinitesimal moments?

Both the past and the future are merely concepts born within the flow of time as we perceive it, and it can be thought that the "present" in the true sense is completed in every instant. As proof of this, we can only "experience" the present. We cannot experience the past, nor can we directly see the future. It is just that the brain's memory evokes the "past" and the imagination paints the "future."

What does it mean to live in the present?

If time is not continuous but exists as a continuum of infinitesimal points (Planck time) called the "present" (defined as"Present +"), then how much we can focus our consciousness on each of those moments becomes the act of "living" in the true sense.

In our daily routines, we let "now" slip by unconsciously. For example, we wake up in the morning, head to work, accomplish something, and fall asleep exhausted at night. In that sequence of events, how often do we stop and ask, "What am I feeling at this moment?"

In modern society, we are prone to being driven toward the future by smartphone notifications, a constant stream of news, and endless task lists. However, what we should truly be conscious of is the reality unfolding right before our eyes now.

For example, when walking, can you notice the sensation of your soles, the flow of the wind, and the sounds around you? When eating, are you fully savoring the taste and aroma? When talking, are you deeply absorbing the other person's words and listening carefully?

If we can focus our consciousness on "now 🈁," we might be able to experience what it truly means to "live" without being trapped by the past or the future.

The bondage of the past, the illusion of the future

Of course, it is not that looking back at the past is entirely useless. Learning from past experiences and holding hope for the future is part of human nature. However, it should not be done at the expense of the present.

Many people live bound by past events. Failures, regrets, unfulfilled dreams. These remain deep in the heart, sometimes creating anxiety about the future. But the past cannot be changed, and the future is not yet determined. So why are we trapped by them?

It is because the brain is designed to perceive time linearly. We are convinced that our consciousness flows from the past to the future. But what if time does not actually flow?

Standing from this perspective, one realizes that time is merely a subjective human creation. The physical law of increasing entropy only makes us feel the flow of time; perhaps the past and future do not exist in any true sense.

Living in this very moment

If so, how should we live?

It comes down to focusing our consciousness as much as possible on this very moment. Letting go of the past, not obsessing over the future, and concentrating on what we are doing and feeling right now. Isn't that the way to be liberated from the concept of 'time'?

When looking back at the past, do it for the sake of learning. When thinking about the future, do it for the sake of hope. However, if we can live purely in this moment without being dragged by either, wouldn't that be the most fulfilling life?

What we wish for is not always given. However, sometimes what we truly sought is hidden within what we were given. And the answer is always 'here and now'.

What I Wished For, What I Was Given - Ideas and Flux vol.13

The boy had wished to know the truth since he was young.

He sought a perfect answer. What is right and what is wrong? What is beauty, what is goodness? He believed that if there were something that clearly indicated these, life would be much easier to live.

What he longed for was the world of Ideas spoken of by Plato. Everything in this world is merely an imperfect imitation, and true 'goodness' and 'beauty' exist in a distant, pure form. If he could know that, he thought he would be able to live correctly without hesitation.

But reality was not like that.

No matter how much he deepened his learning, no matter how convinced he was of the answers he found, they eventually wavered.

The truth he believed in was sometimes praised and sometimes denied. People's values shift, and social rules change as well. What he thought was 'right' was sometimes replaced by another 'rightness' as time passed.

'Why is there no solid answer?'

He suffered. What he sought, he did not obtain. What he wished for was universal truth and unshakable order. But what he was given was a fluid reality and uncertainty.

At one point, he encountered the words of Heraclitus.

'Everything flows'

There is nothing unchanging in this world; everything is constantly changing. There is no absolute truth, and people must think for themselves, adapt, and surrender to the flow in a changing world.

At first, he found this idea hard to accept. But an event changed his perspective.——


One day, he lost someone precious.

He wished, 'I want to be together forever.' But that wish was not granted.

In the sorrow of loss, he realized. What he sought was 'eternity,' but what life gave him was 'finitude'.

But it was precisely because it was finite that each moment shone.

The days spent with his loved one were never eternal, yet they certainly continued to live within him. If everything remained unchanged and there were no end, he would never have known the value of that time.

He finally understood.

'What I wished for was not given. But perhaps what I truly needed had been given to me all along.'

He did not get what he sought.

But it was in that 'gap' that the depth of life lay.

Because he could not get a perfect answer, he was able to keep thinking. Because truth was something that always changes, he was able to create new value. Because it was not eternal, each moment became precious.

Heraclitus says:

'No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.'

The boy no longer resisted those words.

He watched the flow of the river and smiled quietly to himself.

Everything keeps flowing—but perhaps the truth he was looking for lies within that flow.

What I Wished For, What I Was Given - Entropy Increase and the Order of Life vol.14

People seek order. They wish for a predictable and orderly world and fear chaos. However, the law of entropy increase, which lies at the root of physical laws, directly contradicts this. Everything decays, dissipates, and heads toward disorder over time. That is the basic principle of this universe and an unavoidable fate.

Even so, life continues to exist while resisting that flow. In a world that should be heading toward chaos, life creates and tries to maintain local order. That activity looks as if it goes against the principles of the universe. But is that really the case?🧐💭

What I wished for: stable order

People seek stability. Unwavering peace of mind, unchanging happiness, endless success. They make life plans and wish to proceed accordingly. But what about reality? Unexpected events occur, what was built crumbles, and one faces unforeseen difficulties. The moment something is obtained, the next challenge appears, and standing still is not permitted.

Even if one seeks order, the world gradually heads toward chaos. Houses crumble, bodies age, and even memories weather away. People feel sorrow and sometimes despair that what they built with effort is lost over time.

'Why is the stability I wished for never given?'

One might lament this. But I would like to stop here and think. What would happen if everything remained unchanged and was fixed forever?

What I was given: fluid order

Under the law of entropy increase, everything continues to change. However, life creates its own unique order within this unavoidable flow. Life takes in energy, maintains structure, and evolves while accumulating information.

Here, a 'gap' is born between the absolute laws of the universe and the activities of life.

Instead of being given stable order, life was given the 'power to adapt to change.' The self of yesterday is not the same as the self of today; it is constantly growing and being updated. By riding the waves of change, we are, conversely, creating new order.

If there were no increase in entropy, new cells would not be born, evolution would stop, and life would become nothing more than a static structure. However, within the cycle of collapse and rebirth, life is constantly searching for new forms while creating more complex order.

The 'gap' in life

When we apply this perspective to life, the meaning of the gap between 'what we wished for and what we were given' becomes clear.

People wish for 'success.' They dream of a future where effort is always rewarded. However, what they are given is often 'setback' or 'failure.'

People seek 'stability.' They wish for the things they love to remain unchanged. However, what they are given is often 'parting' or 'loss.'

But it is precisely within that gap that people grow.

Without experiencing failure, one cannot know the meaning of a new challenge. Without experiencing parting, one cannot discern what is truly important. It is because there is a collapse of order that new creation is born.

Just as life grows while resisting entropy, humans also shape the order of their own lives while accepting unexpected changes.

Epilogue: The choice to accept

'Why are we not given what we wish for?'

The answer to that question might be this:

'Because it is not what you truly need.'

As the law of entropy shows, the universe is constantly changing. And life, too, creates its own unique order within that flow. In life as well, we can only build true order byfinding meaning in what we have been given (I only know enough) rather than lamenting that we did not get what we wished for.

'I wasn't given what I wished for. But actually, what I truly needed was there all along.'

When we realize that, we may be able to live our lives more deeply between the gap of entropy and order.

[End]