My Eldest Daughter's Changes

A little while ago, she cut her hair, which used to reach her waist.

For a parent, this makes washing and drying her hair so much easier.

The time spent dealing with her hair has been cut in half.

Next is the change in her fashion.

Previously, the focus when choosing clothes was on whether they were 'cute,' but now it's on 'whether they look mature.'
Honestly, from my perspective, I think, 'You can wear mature clothes when you're actually an adult,' but I suppose it's just that age where she wants to act older.

I never offer unsolicited advice on the things she chooses herself.

This is something my wife and I discussed since our children were born: 'Let's let the children decide things for themselves as much as possible.'

There is a clear reason why we decided to do that.

I work in the welfare industry, and most of the users at my facility have mild intellectual disabilities or mental health issues.

Among those users, there are occasionally people who 'cannot decide anything for themselves.'

In the past, there were even people who couldn't choose the clothes they would wear that day on their own.

When I first started the job, I wondered why that was, but while talking with the users, I quickly understood the cause.

It's because 'they have always had everything decided for them by someone else, and they have had overwhelmingly few experiences of making decisions for themselves.'

I don't think the people around the users had any bad intentions, either.

I believe it was kindness, wanting to help them make the best choices so they wouldn't lose out or feel discouraged by failure.

I don't want to deny that kindness itself, but the result was that they grew up into adults who couldn't make their own choices.

Now, the users who couldn't make decisions have started to be able to act on their own will, but the longer the years they spent not deciding for themselves, the longer it takes to break that spell.

That's why I intend to keep a distance with my own children where they choose, they decide, and I reach out a hand only after they've learned a slightly painful lesson.
(Of course, I will stop them if something is dangerous no matter how you look at it.)

I think that, but my wife, who is watching from right by their side, might be thinking, 'No way, you're interfering with your words and actions all the time!' 😅

The person themselves makes the choice, but I do make suggestions.
I simply think it's a pity if they don't know their options, so I say things like, 'There's this way, that way, and this other way. If you choose this one, it's good in this respect, but there might be some bad sides to it, too.'

I pay the utmost attention to avoid leading questions that steer them toward the choice I think is best, and to keep my perspective as flat as possible.
This balance is incredibly difficult, though.
It really is.

My children will change, and of course, I will change too.
I just hope we can continue to have a relationship where we acknowledge that we are both always changing. ✌️

The flow leading up to the punchline was perfect today!

See you tomorrow👋