What I was able to forgive after doing animal fortune-telling.

A story about how I was able to forgive myself a little
after doing animal fortune-telling.

When I did the animal fortune-telling,
I learned that I am a Wolf, and that makes up about 70% of who I am.
There are different types of wolves,
and in my case, I am an adaptable wolf.
Like a lone wolf with good communication skills. Haha.

A few years ago, someone at work told me,
“You have a wall between you and other people. I can't quite explain the nuance, but...”
and
I felt sad because I thought I was able to communicate with people to some extent, but maybe that wasn't the case.

But in reality, I also felt that
there are times when I really watch and care about people and communicate with them,
and times when even if people are around, I don't care at all about what they are saying or how they are moving,
and
I thought of myself during those latter times as a cold person who isn't interested in others.

So when the person at work
told me there was a wall between me and others,
having someone else point out the discomfort that only existed within me
made me think,
“I knew it...”

I recently realized that inside my heart, there is something like a house or a shelter, and when I am inside it, I don't care about what is happening around me or about other people.
I don't really hear voices or sounds, and the presence of others becomes very faint.
When I am inside the house, it is something important and comfortable for me,
and I can't easily leave the house.
When I am outside the house,

I switch something on,
and I can clearly see the other person's expressions and the movements around me.
I talk to people, take care of them, and become a bundle of communication skills.
But before I know it, I am often back inside the house.

When I go outside, I need a bit of energy,
and I feel like I am flipping a switch.

Come to think of it,
ever since I was a child, I often entered my own world.
When I was zoning out, my friends would wave their hands in front of my face
and say, “Mizuki-chan is zoning out again, haha,”
and I would say, “You're right,” and we would often laugh.
Adults I was close to
would also often say,
“Mizuki is in her own world again, haha.”
Even when I was in my own world, everyone was kind to me.
I was blessed with the people around me.
The reason I am alive today without any injuries is thanks to the people around me who took my hand when I was in my own world and helped me in various ways. I managed to survive even with just one life.

The extent to which I enter my own world is abnormal.
Sometimes, when I come to, the situation around me has changed significantly.
I can hear voices slightly as sounds, but when I am in my own world, that space is comfortable, and I don't care about what is around me.
In the end, I am the most important thing to myself,
and being in my own world is the most relaxing thing.
Being in the outside world is fun, but it uses energy.
I find myself in my own world before I even realize it.

That is why
jobs like being a nurse on the floor,
or driving a car,
or anything directly related to life is not for me.
Because if my focus on the outside world breaks,
and I want to zone out, it would be all over.
Various things.
I could try my best,
but trying my best was difficult.

I am the one who is most aware of the abnormality of
myself, who enters my own world to an abnormal degree,
and no one else noticed it,
and even when I said I was strange,
they would only say,
“Mizuki, you're not strange, you're okay.”
When the person at work
pointed out that I had a wall between me and others,
I was hurt,
but I felt relieved.
I am not normal.
But I like that version of myself too.

When I was thinking about things inside myself and various other things,
I learned through animal fortune-telling that the majority of my inner self is a Wolf,
and I learned that my own world is important,
and I thought, “Ah, that's right,”
and thought,
“I don't have to try so hard, do I?”
My own world,
I love it.
Let's find a job where it's okay to enter my own world.
Or rather, let's find a job where I can make use of that.
Let's spend time with people who are comfortable even if I enter my own world while we are together.
Let's forgive the cold me who enters my own world.