Since taking a leave of absence, I've come to like Mondays more than before

Work tomorrow, huh. I don't want to go.
The weekend ends so quickly.

On Sundays, I tend to start thinking like that around the afternoon.
No, it would be more accurate to say that I used to.

I was diagnosed with adjustment disorder due to workplace interpersonal relationships and was forced to take a leave of absence.
That was about five years ago.
I took 130 days off.

When I received the diagnosis for my leave of absence,

I don't have to go to that workplace for a while.
I still remember feeling a sense of relief from the bottom of my heart.

From the next day, I didn't do anything in particular (I had no energy) and just stared blankly.
It wasn't like I was sleeping all day either (just naps).
I just spent my days letting the flow of time take me.

That said, since I was alone, I did the bare minimum of housework and life-sustaining activities.
I think I was completely drained, both mentally and physically.
I was anxious about the drop in income, but I had some savings, so I managed somehow.
That was my greatest strength.
It was the result of 15 years of working (at the time).

I denied myself the act of thinking about anything.

Because I didn't want to think about anything right then.

After about a week, my thinking finally started to recover a little.
I'm happy that I can rest (that I don't have to go to work).
But that's not a fundamental solution.

Even if I took a month off and returned, nothing about the situation would change.
The problem is the interpersonal relationships.
I could handle the work content or volume, but
people don't change.

It's difficult to change the other person. It's nearly impossible.
Then I have to change... I have no choice but to act.
I contacted my supervisor in human resources.
The developments after that were fast.
In the end, I was able to transfer departments after returning to work.

Finally, the big problem I had been carrying was solved.
But it wasn't like I could return to work immediately.
I was terrified of going outside.
I had also developed panic attacks.
I would feel unwell, especially when riding the train.
This applied even when it wasn't for work.

But, doing something without going outside.
Maybe there are various things if I look, like online supermarkets or working from home.
In the Reiwa era, it's a convenient time where you can live to a certain extent without going outside.
But that wasn't an option for me.

Because I wanted to go outside.
I wanted to interact with people directly.

I read books, scoured related videos,
and little by little, truly one step at a time.
While consulting with my doctor, I slowly, slowly headed down the path to recovery.

When two months had passed since my leave of absence.

Sunday evening.

Ah, I don't have to go tomorrow either.

For some reason, that fact felt terribly lonely.

Because I was completely isolated from society.
I was starving.
At the same time, I suppose my motivation for work had also started to emerge.

Regardless of whether you have an income or not, having no place to go and nothing to do is very sad.
Unless you wished for it yourself, that is.

It wasn't that I didn't want to work.
Rather, I wanted to work.
I wanted them to let me work.
I wanted them to need me and see me properly as an employee.

Why was I the only one treated like this?

I didn't actually want a leave of absence.
Dark, heavy emotions came rushing in.

Monday.
In the morning, when I looked outside from the window, I saw people heading to the station for their commute.

From noon to evening, I would hear the cheerful voices of children.

What on earth am I doing?

I can't do a single productive thing.
I was just living.

I can think now that that was fine,
but at the time, it was terribly painful and hard to bear.

When my return to work was decided, joy outweighed the anxiety.

I can finally connect with society again.
I can meet people, I can talk to them.

After returning to work, there was a department transfer as planned.

The nature of my work hasn't changed much.
However, the environment surrounding me and the people I work with have changed.
I never imagined I could spend my days with such peace of mind just because of that.
We just weren't a good fit. That's all it was.

I certainly can't make a 100% recovery to my state before the leave, and there were times when my physical condition was unstable, but I managed to get through it without a single sudden day off or early departure.
There is no doubt that I was being accommodated in various ways, though.
I was being protected.
It was a moment where I could once again experience the joy of being able to go to work.

I want time off because I work.
I work because I have time off, and then I rest again.
It's a cycle.
Before my leave, I used to wish that the days off would just go on forever.
But experiencing every day as a Sunday might be tough. It's still too early for that.
That's what I think.
Because there is a Monday, Sunday comes around again.
And that's fine.
I'm exploring ways to enjoy Mondays.
Saying 'I hate Mondays!' makes me feel sorry for Monday.
I've even come to think that way.

Having gone through a leave of absence, I might have come to like Mondays a little bit.

Now then, what should I do for tomorrow's treat?