Melting Out My True Feelings [Diary]

3:00 AM. I woke up.
A tricky time.

Usually, I'd be working during the day, so I'd go back to sleep because I wouldn't be able to handle it.
But today is a holiday, and I have no plans to go out.
Basically, it's free time, and I have plenty of room to breathe.

Since I have the chance, I'll look back on this past week
and try writing exactly what I feel, honestly.

Start.

13th (Sun)

I'm going to enter the Creative Awards.

Honestly, I thought maybe I'd skip it this year.
I don't have any strategy at all. I did a little bit of searching, but my passion... my energy is overwhelmingly lacking.


Even so, the story of my leave of absence and return to work is an eternal theme for me, so I want to write it.
I'm happy that more people are seeing it than I expected.

The microwave I ordered arrived.
They say the lifespan of home appliances is about 10 years, right?
But since I received this one secondhand, I think it's been nearly 20 years. A microwave is truly an indispensable existence.
I'm counting on you.

14th (Mon)
Shiitake Fortune-telling is my weekly pleasure.
There aren't many pieces of content you can enjoy this much for free. Reading it cheers me up.
I belong to a few online communities, and getting reactions when I post about a theme is very encouraging.

It's been hot lately, so for dinner,
it's mostly noodles.
Somen -> Soba -> Sanuki Udon -> Ramen, on repeat. It's great because the ingredients are so flexible.

15th (Tue)
Today I worked in a department I don't really like.
The person I'm not good with was off, so it was extremely peaceful 🕊️🕊️🕊️
At the end of the day, the majority of what makes a job easy to work in is human relationships.
Other factors can often be managed through your own efforts.
My heart is calmer than usual.

16th (Wed)
My feelings are very unstable regarding work.
My emotions are swinging wildly. It can't be helped. This is who I am right now.
I vented my emotions as calmly as possible to a supervisor who is easy to talk to.
I'm grateful they accepted it.
I felt much better.

Since the book I requested arrived, I went to the library on my way home from work.
I've started reading books by Miri Masuda again recently.
Last year, I was reading them like crazy.
"Tea Time"
"How to Wear Painful Shoes"

I'm reminded that essays are things you can read casually and write more freely.

I don't have to think,
"I have to move people."
Rather, things that make you chuckle, or 'that happens' moments.
It's nice to be able to read them neutrally without having my emotions stirred up.

The Oga Lotus photo book arrived.
I've been taking photos almost every week for the past month.
I finally got around to putting it together.
I'll pat myself on the back, but it turned out pretty good ✌️
The results of changing my iPhone model are showing.

I want to write an article about it again, but turning things into a physical form is something I really love.

17th (Thu)
I had dinner with someone after work for the first time in a while.
Since I changed jobs, I haven't had many opportunities, so I was actually quite happy. This time it was 🥩🥩✨
I wouldn't go out to eat 🥩 alone, so I'm grateful.
I want to write about what I thought regarding work once I've organized my thoughts a bit more.

18th (Fri)
I had my writing edited, and I was quite depressed by the result, which was beyond what I imagined. Even though it's what I asked for.
It's going to take some time to face it.
The fact that I'm depressed means there's definitely something that reaches people, and it's because I'm trying hard. Let's start there.
But you know, I think I just wanted to be treated a bit more gently. Next time, more 🍬 than the whip.

19th (Sat)
First day of the long weekend. I'm excited.
Eating shaved ice at Komeda.

And then, the annual event.
Going to a handmade craft event.

As an aside, I had a blast talking about fandom activities with the person sitting next to me at the workshop this time.
(Even though we aren't fans of the same person or anything.)
I haven't had an experience like this in the past five years, so I was quite excited.
But we didn't really exchange contact information or anything.
If we are truly meant to be, we will connect again.
A loose relationship like that is fine.
I hope we can meet somewhere again.
Let's enjoy our fandom activities!

In the evening, there was an online social gathering for a community I'm involved with.
There were a lot of people, and since it was a chat, it was quite hard to keep up. I just stopped thinking and typed whatever came to mind.
The topic of featured articles came up, and here is what I felt about it.

In my case, if I may be so bold, my experience making sweets was once selected.
The sweets I love so much caught more people's eyes.
Honestly, that is what makes me happier than anything else.
Actually, there were people who became interested.

By the way, there were no dramatic changes.
For just three days after the announcement, my PV numbers were higher than usual. I got frequent 'Like!' notifications. That's about it.
After that, nothing happened. At least in my case.

New information is always being updated, and I'm sure it's fading from people's memories.
I wonder if anyone still remembers. I'd be happy if they did.

Most people probably think, 'What is this even about?'

But for me, it's an unforgettable and precious thing.
I didn't write it to aim for anything or to be evaluated.
I just wanted to shout about what I love.
And that's fine.
I want to continue to cherish that feeling.

It reminded me of that.

Thank you for the gentle time.

The paid article I had been meaning to write for a long time.
I finally wrote it! 👏
It's a story about interacting with a specific person of the opposite sex, which is rare for me (we aren't dating).
No, wait, so what? That's the story, but this situation gave me a lot to think about regarding how I interact with people, so I'm leaving it here.
I made it a paid article because (though the possibility is close to zero)
I don't want the people involved at the time to see it.
Thank you to everyone who cared about me. 🙏

Sunday the 20th.
A fan gathering with my otaku friends.
One way or another, we've had a connection for over 10 years.
For someone like me who doesn't have many connections with people, this is precious,
and it's no exaggeration to say they are one-of-a-kind existences.

Maybe it's good that a loose, exquisite sense of distance is maintained.
'How are you?'
'I'm doing well!'
'Let's meet again.'
That kind of vibe.

Not too close, not too far. I guess it's good not to step in too much.

I only intended to write a little, but before I knew it, I was so absorbed
that over an hour had passed. 🤣

It's fun. Bullet-point diaries are nice. I want to make it a habit.

The sky is getting bright.

What should I do, should I go back to sleep?