Day 15 / If I have even a moment like this, I am happy

Before the sun rises, I wake up hazily.
I'm awake. I'm alive.
The outside is also covered in darkness, still quiet. It is sleeping.

Without anxiety or sorrow,
my mind is in a clear state.
There is no unnecessary information, so, what shall I do now? Before touching my smartphone.
I boil water and have a cup of hot water. It's delicious.
I pour my thoughts into my notebook.
Such a moment feels peaceful.

This past month, my heart has been particularly restless with distracting thoughts.
Not just about work, but about the future.
This isn't how it was supposed to be.
Frustration, anger.

This note is like that too.
Of course, while it's fun, I also feel a bit hazy. Longing, jealousy. The murky feelings overflow.
I end up hating myself like that and almost become self-destructive.

It's somewhat similar to five years ago. When I was a bit detached from society.

I hated various things and ran away.

I hold that version of myself tightly.

I can only be myself.
There is no one to replace me.
I cannot return to the past either.

Time is limited.
How I spend and live my limited time is up to me. Actions can be changed.
If it's the same amount of time regardless of what I do, I want to spend it peacefully and do things that make my heart bounce.

Maybe I should buy that hot water maker after all.

I am participating in Rin Kiki's tag project.

Day 15 "Peaceful"

My pace for both writing and reading is very relaxed, but I am enjoying participating.
Thank you as always.