Stomach and Key

When I called Tsuji, he seemed quite restless for some reason.
"What is it? Do you need something?"
"It's not really anything important, but I felt like calling you, so I did."
"I'm not in the mood for that right now. I'm hanging up."
He was being even more unpleasant than usual.
"What's the rush? What's going on, anyway?"
"My stomach hurts."
His tone was incredibly bitter.
"Your stomach hurts?"
"That's what I just said, isn't it?"
"That's terrible. After all, a stomachache is a painful thing. Why, when I had a stomachache the other day, I was curled up in the bathroom all night long. In the end, that was..."
"I'm hanging up, okay?"
It was rude of him to interrupt me just when I was about to share a pleasant story about a stomachache.
"Wait a minute. You can hang up after you hear my story."
"Shut up. It hurts. Besides, I don't have my key!"
To make me stop telling a story about a stomachache halfway through, only to say he doesn't have his key—it was all very unclear.
"Key? Where on earth are you?"
"I just got home from outside! I want to go in and take a dump, but damn it! I don't have my key!"
"Pfft," I burst out laughing. "'Want to take a dump, but damn it'—that's actually quite clever for you."
"Shut up, I don't have my key!"
"Can't you just go in through the balcony?"
"I'm not on the first floor anymore. I moved out of that apartment a long time ago."
"What? You're not at Soejima Mansion anymore? When did you move?"
"Shut up, I want to take a dump, damn it!"
I burst out laughing again.
"Oh, damn, the high school girl next door just came out, looked at me like I was weird, and walked off!"
"That's because you said 'want to take a dump, damn it' twice. Honestly, you're a suspicious..."
"Key! I found it! I'm hanging up! See ya!"
Beep, beep, beep.
Even after the call ended, I kept rolling on the floor laughing for a while.