How to Cope When You Feel Parenting Is Tough

Oh man. I got so frustrated yesterday with my kids
who wouldn't go to sleep.
They were dragging their feet, not doing what they needed to do,
and bedtime just kept getting pushed back.
Ugh. I hate it, I hate it.
Can't they just get it done and go to sleep quickly??

Starting today's note with a rant🤣

That's right.
You are not the only one
who feels that parenting is tough.

While parenting is full of love and joy,
there are also many things that are harder than you could ever imagine.
Sleep deprivation, endless housework, your child's night crying or tantrums, the loneliness of not having any time for yourself...
No matter how much you love your child, it is natural to have moments where you feel "I've reached my limit" or "This is too hard."
That is not because you are a bad parent, but a pain you feel precisely because you are facing parenting so seriously.

Since I work in a psychiatric clinic,
mothers with postpartum depression also come in sometimes.
Seeing people who say "I'm a bad parent"
while shedding tears
truly breaks my heart.
All I can do at times like this
is listen.

I often wonder if there are any
simple coping methods I would want them to try first
when they feel "it's tough."
I have thought of some coping methods in my own way.

First, it is important to acknowledge your feelings of "it's tough" without denying them.

There is no need to blame yourself
by saying "I shouldn't feel this way."
To calm your feelings, I want you to try these.

• Try taking three deep breaths
• Slowly drink your favorite beverage
• Make time to be alone for even just 5 minutes
• Listen to quiet music while your child is sleeping

Even if it's just for a few minutes, taking time to care for yourself creates space in your heart.

Are you trying too hard? Let's notice the signs that your heart is tired from parenting

The harder you work every day, the harder it becomes to notice your own limits.
If you see these signs, it might be a sign that your heart is tired.

• It's hard to get up in the morning
• You start to hate yourself for getting frustrated with your child
• You find yourself crying more often
• Nothing feels fun anymore
These are signs that your heart is crying out, "I want to rest." Don't push yourself; viewing this as a "recharging period" is the first step toward recovery.

It's okay to rely on others when you feel you've reached your limit with solo parenting

Are you convinced that "I have to do it myself" or "I can't rely on anyone"?
When solo parenting continues, feelings of isolation and stress tend to pile up.
Find places where you can ask for even a little help, such as your parents, partner, friends, or local child-rearing support centers.

Relying on others is not being lazy.
It is an act of taking care of yourself in order to take care of your child.
I'm not good at relying on others either😅 While talking about this,
I'm the type who finds solo parenting easier to manage🤣

Lighten your heart! Self-care habits you want to incorporate into your daily life

By making self-care that you can incorporate little by little even between childcare tasks a habit, you will create room in your heart.

• 5 minutes of stretching or yoga a day
• Soak in the bathtub even for a short time
• Cherish just one thing you "love"
(reading, embroidery, snacks, etc.)
• Tell yourself, "You did a good job today," for working hard
By taking care of yourself, you will be able to pour kindness into your child as well.

People you can talk to when parenting is tough, and people you should avoid

Talking to someone you trust can sometimes lighten your painful feelings.
However, if you talk to the wrong person, it can have the opposite effect.
Truly, who you talk to is important.

【People you can talk to】
• Mom friends who are also raising children
• Friends who listen without judging
• Local child-rearing support staff or counselors

【People you should avoid】
• People who compare you to others by saying "there are people who have it harder"
• People who only give advice immediately
• People who use words that hurt you unconsciously

When your heart is weak, connecting with someone who gives you empathy and peace of mind is more important than anything else.

Viewing "parenting struggles" from a long-term perspective and how to overcome them

The struggle of parenting is not something that "lasts forever."
Children grow every day and gradually require less care.

Even if it feels like you are in a tunnel now, the day will come in a few years when you can think, "That time was hard, but I managed to get through it."

Please try to believe in your future self, thinking, "This is the time to hang in there," but "it will end someday."
The difficulty of parenting is proof of your strength and kindness.

A message to help you feel it's okay even if parenting is tough

Because there is no "correct answer" to parenting, it is easy to feel anxious and lonely.
But the pain you are feeling now is proof that you care about your child.

You are not alone.
Please, take care of yourself for working hard for your child today as well.

Take a deep breath and try to relax your shoulders just a little.
Surely, you can move forward one step at a time again.

Thank you for reading.
I hope you all have a happy day today as well.