Novel: "1:00 AM, Finding a Voice" 28
1:00 AM. Thursday ends and Friday arrives.
In a small radio booth at a local station, Kotaro Kiritani, a struggling middle-aged voice actor, acts as a "detective," listening to the voices of those who have spilled their troubles. This is a slightly mysterious late-night radio novel about adults who are on the verge of losing their voices in front of the microphone, and a man who is still clinging just a little bit to the past.
"Once again, good evening. I'm Kotaro Kiritani.
This program is a late-night window for people who
'like to hear stories about change, but find it a bit
troublesome when it's their turn.'"
"Tonight, we have received a few emails that are
a bit unsettling."
"This one is from '1:00 AM Calendar.'
Thank you very much."
"'Kiritani-san, staff, good evening.
I'm 1:00 AM Calendar.
Recently, I saw a vague rumor on social media that
the late-night program on Local FM Tomoshibi
might be ending this spring.
The first thing that came to mind was
this program, "1:00 AM, Finding a Voice."
Could it be that the final episode of this program
is also coming into view?
In a recent broadcast, you briefly mentioned
wanting to take on a new challenge, so I've been
speculating on my own if that might be related.
Of course, I know that every program must end someday.
But I think I'd prefer to be able to say a proper goodbye
rather than having it end without me knowing.
If you can talk about it, I'd be happy if you could
tell me a little about the future of this program.
I'm sorry for sending such an email when it's not
even the final episode. But I'm curious how many more times
I'll be able to hear that "usual" opening.'"
I finish reading and take a breath.
"...1:00 AM Calendar-san.
First, let's make one thing clear." "Tonight's broadcast is not the final episode."
I add a little laugh.
"That said, the fact that I'm receiving emails with
rumors like this might mean that an atmosphere of 'an ending' or 'a turning point' is starting to drift in."
"Actually, the staff and I have started talking from time to time
about 'what kind of ending would be good if this program
were to end.'"
"Since this middle-aged man has also recently started
a 'new challenge as a voice actor,' it's no wonder that
listeners are speculating, or rather, I'm just grateful
that you brought it up."
"So tonight, I'd like to send this out while mixing in talk about
'the future of this program' and 'how much should you put into words
when starting something new while continuing something else.'"
"Earlier, I introduced an unsettling email from
1:00 AM Calendar-san asking, 'Is it true that this is the final episode?'"
"Actually, I've received a few similar emails."
I glance at the monitor and pick out a few.
"Thank you, 'Recording Marker-san.'"
"'Every week, on days I work, I record it and listen to it
all at once on the weekend. If the day really comes when it ends,
I'd like to properly mark the "final episode." Even if it's inevitable that it will end, it's lonely to find out
later that "that was the last one" without knowing it.'"
I steady my breathing.
"I understand. I've had programs I liked end before I knew it,
and I've looked blankly at my recording folder, realizing later,
'Wait, was that the last episode?' a few times."
"So first, I'll say this clearly."
"If a true 'final episode' for this program ever comes,
I will say right here, 'This date is the final episode.'
At the very least, I don't like vague endings like
'This is probably the last one, but, well, sometime.'"
On the other side of the glass, Yamamoto, the director,
gives a small nod.
"That said, I do feel that things like 'the end of this season'
or 'a time to re-evaluate my own position' are indeed approaching."
"Recently, I've started talking with the scriptwriter, Kuga-san,
about 'if this program were to end someday,'
'what do I want this middle-aged man to say at that time?'
We've started having those conversations in the margins of the script."
"So tonight, rather than saying 'it ends here,'
I'd like to start talking a step ahead about
'what would be a fitting way for this program to end.'"
The ending BGM begins to play quietly.
"It's almost time to say goodbye.
Tonight, I've focused on emails asking, 'Is this program's final episode near?'
As I said earlier, today's broadcast is not the final episode."
"However, as someone on the side of making the program,
I know somewhere that 'it won't last forever.'"
"Not in the sense that 'it could end at any time,' but
in the sense that 'I want to choose my words so that I can end it at any time.'"
"Up until now, I've listened to many listeners' stories of
'wanting to quit' and 'wanting to continue.'"
"Whether to quit a job. Whether to quit a club activity. Whether to end a relationship."
"Every time, I feel like I've said quite lightly, 'It's okay to quit, and it's okay to continue.' So now, when I started thinking about my own program,
'I'll end it when I want to end it properly,'
'I'll continue if I still have things I want to talk about.'"
"I realized I want to be able to choose both of those myself."
"Actually, I've had the scriptwriter, Kuga-san, start writing a little bit of
a 'what-if final episode plan.' Something like, 'If this program really ends someday,
it would be nice to be able to say goodbye like this.'"
"For a while from now on,
this program will continue loosely as a 'program where it wouldn't be strange if the final episode came,'
but at the same time, as a 'program that doesn't intend to end yet.'"
"Because I feel that continuing while holding onto that contradiction
is surely what suits this program."
"That aside, I am surprised that the metaphorical expressions of everyone who sends emails
are getting more powerful by the day.
Your host until now has been Kotaro Kiritani, a 'middle-aged man who has started practicing how to end things but has no intention of ending for a while yet.'"
"See you again at this time next week."
"Good night."
The fader goes down, and the "ON AIR" lamp turns off.
To be continued