Are your emotions at the right address?

My daughter attempted suicide. When she was transported to the hospital, her breathing had stopped, and by the time my husband and I rushed there, she was connected to a ventilator. This is the second time she has felt such despair that she wanted to die. Last time, she relied on me, saying, 'The feeling of wanting to die won't go away, so please stay with me,' but this time she chose to die alone. I was not the person she wanted to rely on. First, I want to make it clear that she survived safely and is currently recuperating. What we as a family must do before she returns home is to create an environment where she can spend her time with peace of mind.
Along with that, one of the things I need to do is undergo counseling. My husband had always told me, 'You lack ',empathy'.' I didn't even bother to look up the reason for what he said I lacked, so the correct meaning is still unclear, but I think empathy is probably something like 'the ability to empathize with others and be there for them.' (I just looked it up and it was a little different.) My daughter has also told me, 'Even if I talk to you about my worries, Mom, I don't get the reaction I expect, so I doubt whether you really care about me.' To be honest, empathizing doesn't solve problems, and while I can understand the other person's feelings, knowing them never caused any emotions to well up inside me or gave me a sense of oneness with the other person. Of course, I feel 'sad' when someone important to me is in an unpleasant situation, and there have been times when I felt frustrated with myself for being unable to do anything. In counseling, I ended up mainly focusing on my own emotions and learning to control them.
Counseling only works when a relationship of trust is established with the other person. I believe that this relationship of trust is not about who is good or bad, but rather about mutual compatibility and whether the counselor's approach suits you. The counselor I met this time was a perfect match in those respects. Even though we are the same human beings, many people in America, where I live, have different values from us Japanese. I am fortunate to have met someone I can trust. She immediately sensed what I needed and worked on solving the problem. In our second session, she said, 'As your family says, your empathy is quite low. This is partly because you didn't receive the emotional support you should have received in childhood, but in the first place, some emotions are missing.' A lack of emotions! No way, are you kidding me?! I'm emotional, aren't I? When I confronted her with that thought, she said, 'Being emotional does not mean you have all the emotions. And the emotions you have now are explosively large, so let's work on controlling them.'

The tool the counselor showed me that would be useful for regaining emotions was the 'Wheel of Emotion' diagram. There are broad categories in the center, and subdivisions on the outside. When I compared the major emotions I have felt so far against it, I learned that the items I thought were 'sadness' were actually classified as 'anger,' 'fear,' and 'surprise.' Why that happened is only my speculation, but it is probably because there was a discrepancy between the concepts planted in me by adults during my childhood and the emotions I was actually feeling. It is quite difficult for all the words spoken to a child, such as 'It's sad when someone dies,' 'It's lonely because someone is moving,' or 'I'm happy to receive a present,' to match the emotions an individual is actually feeling. If we assume that factors from environmental influence also play a significant role in naming one's own emotions, I think that speaking to a young child by saying things like 'That was fun, wasn't it?' or 'That was scary, wasn't it?' might actually hinder emotional development.
In my case, it seems that the 'sadness' part is not exactly missing, but is in a state where it is difficult to recognize. I thought I had experienced 'sadness' when my father passed away, but looking at the subdivided parts, I think emotions like 'anger at my own helplessness' and 'anxiety or fear as if I had lost my life's compass' were closer. It seems that to regain this lack of emotion (did I ever have it in the past?), it is important to watch a lot of movies and shake up my own emotions. I don't know if it will go well, but I intend to watch various movies and let myself be moved.